Being rejected without falling to pieces

I’m so glad to see that someone googled “girl explodes house of woman who harassed her boyfriend” and ended up at my blog! I’ll never know why they suggested me, hope whoever was doing this research gave up the idea of exploding something after reading all this nonsense I publish here.
First day this week I have time at lunch to breath and not just swallow my meal. Damn it, this dengue’s outbreak is driving me nuts. Yesterday I was at the edge of picking up my stuff and leaving the clinic, so many patients and a lot of them just pretending to be sick to avoid their dead-end jobs. Unfortunately the more free time I have the more I get anxious and depressed.
I’m in love with someone who apparently doesn’t give a shit about me but he doesn’t let me go. He’s not playing the hard to get because I ran some tests and he passed all of them. Yesterday for the first time in weeks he spontaneously got in touch with me and I was shocked because most of the times I’m the one who makes the first contact, may it be a “good morning” or a late “have nice dreams, I miss you”. And guess what? Yesterday was the day I decided I would forget him and move on, I cried a river two nights ago, wondering why I wasn’t good enough for him and soon I realized I was rejected, and most times there won’t be a reason, he’s not into me and that’s all. But them he messaged me, wishing me a good day, along which he filled my Whatsapp’s incoming box with cute messages.
The odds are all against us, I’m almost one hundred percent sure we don’t stand a chance as a couple. He’s nice to me and he really seems to have some kind of attraction to me, but somehow we just don’t match, maybe we’re facing different stages of our professional and personal lives, maybe he’s just not that into me. Anyway…
I’m not an expert when it comes to love and stuff related to this amazing feeling. But one thing I know for sure: there will always be someone kind out there looking for a long-term relationship. As tough it may seem, as much as Facebook and some smartphones’ apps try to trivialize sex, there will always be someone who’ll crave for making love to you, not just fuck you and cum without even knowing the color of your hazel eyes.
“Here I stand alone with this weight upon my heart” and it doesn’t seem to plan to go away any time soon. Not sure what I’ll do, I know I should avoid this guy and let myself heal from this experience, but I always wonder… what if he’s interested, what if I give him some time and he finally realize I’m the one for him, that his search is over? So many what-if’s I could fill in a truck.
But what I can do is paint a picture of what I’ll never catch myself doing when I’m with a guy who’s really into me: I’ll never see myself staring maniacally at my phones, willing them to ring. I’ll never see myself ruining an evening with friends because I’m checking what was the last time he was online on Whatsapp every fifteen seconds. I’ll never see myself hating mylself for calling him when I know I shouldn’t have. What Il’l see is myself being treated so well that no phone antics will be necessary. I’ll be too busy being adored…
Lunch time is over, I’m sighing, I think of love, but in the end it doesn’t really matters, it won’t take me anywhere. Or maybe it will. It’ll probably take me to my shrink’s office, very soon.

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