There was this place were I used to go whenever I felt scared. And that time I felt scared most of time. I was afraid of losing time, in fact. The tree was high; at least to me it seemed to be the tallest of them all, and climbing it I discovered that I was afraid of heights. Ironic, I used to run from my fears doing something frightful. Ok, it was not ironic, just dumb, but I was a kid, let’s not be judgmental. I learned this week that in English they call the fruit from that tree “mulberry”. In Portuguese we say “amora”, I love the word in my mother-language, sounds so powerful in my ears.
I had this agreement with my brother who were just one year and a half younger than me: I’d be the master of the tallest mulberry tree and he would possess the other one, a weak tree that had never bored fruits. We had other trees at the yard, not mulberry ones, and we decided that they would be domain of our younger brothers when they grow up, a mango tree and an avocado one.
I had this aunt who kept telling me the world was close to its end. I wrote about it few months ago. She once said some scientist were building a bomb, huge as it could be, to destroy all mankind. I couldn’t understand their reason and her attempts to show me that the entire human race deserved to be extinguished were not enough. So I started climbing the tree, I used to think that being at the top of it no harm could be done to me. I felt really in despair when I realized I did not know how much time I had left, I felt I had so many things to do, to learn, and it was so unfair to die without a good reason.
I took books with me and at weekends I spent hours up there, my mom screamed my name twice a day to get down and have lunch or take a shower. I was so jealous of that tree, I hated when some friends and cousins went to my place and climbed it as if it was an ordinary tree. That was my temple. They should show some respect and not make mulberry war. Ok, I loved the wars, our mothers not so much because mulberry spots are really hard to get removed.
Time passed and I learned that all that story of bomb was bullshit and that an atomic bomb would destroy my entire house and surroundings, including the trees. Fears changed, year after year I discovered new thing to be afraid of, people to be afraid of. I moved from that house and few years later the new owner put my tree down.
We shouldn’t have to run from our fears. Let’s face it. Wherever we hide they will remain, fears are these resilient creatures that fed from our lack of courage to be masters of our destiny. Some things will get better with time; others will demand some energy to get solved. What I realized is that getting paralyzed and wait for the worse to come is not the way to deal with it. Maybe the worse will come anyway, at least try to have some fun in the meantime.
Time to work! Have thousand things to do on this sunny Monday. I think this will be a great week, I feel some happiness coming in my direction. Or is it just flu?
Have a great week, folks!