Concrete jungle where dreams are made of, maybe

Once upon a time this stupid little boy went to USA with the biggest illusion one’s heart can live with: getting married to his soul mate. He was deeply in love, got the engagement rings and the attitude. As he was lucky as hell, the marriage never happened, he was kind of rejected at the airport and his world felt apart. But destiny had another plans; he was about to know the place that would change his life forever. He wasn’t in honeymoon as he foreseen, but he would have the time of his life with his ex-future-mother-in-law.

It started as an English lesson and at a drop of a hat he was in love with one of his pen pals. From ordinary paragraphs about the weather and world economy, they started exchanging long letters about the sweetest promises of eternal love. Gifts, pictures and even flowers crossed the continent for almost one year before they planned a meeting in real life. Our hero decided he would go for his dreams and take the risks; he was so sure everything would work out so perfectly that he never got a plan B.

When they finally met at the airport the worse happened: nothing. Nothing happened, he wasn’t even hugged, and he wasn’t even asked how he was or how the trip went! From that moment he knew that happiness doesn’t come that easy, that he would have a long way until he could live happily ever after. When shit can happen, it will! At that night he had his first couple crisis and the relationship did not resisted, typical case of unborn love. Apparently he wasn’t exactly what the other guy had ordered. His so-called mother-in-law offered him some comfort and decided she’d take him to a trip around New England. He was so devastated, in a foreign country; he accepted her offer without any hesitation.

It was a sunny spring but early in the morning when they were leaving, the boy was blessed with the first snow of his life. It wasn’t even enough to cover the cars but enough to allow him and his new friend, Mer, to throw some snowballs against each other. He laughed for his first time in USA.

Their first stop would be downtown Boston, then a casino in Connecticut. All the way he could only think of how naive he was and wonder how his parents would react with the news, that what they said back there in Brazil, that it was irresponsible/crazy of him to travel eight thousand kilometers to meet and marry someone he never saw before, end up so bad and that he did not have the money to anticipate his travel back home. He decided not to tell them and spend time with Mer.

Casinos, small towns, national parks and then the climax: New York City. After one week traveling they finally got the world’s capital and it’s lights lightened up the guy’s soul. Mer spent two days with him and when she felt he was ready she left to Boston and let him explore the city by himself. She knew he was ready. He was so grateful for everything that that old lady had made for him that they are still in touch nowadays.Image

Well, I thought I wouldn’t make it through that May. I was really in love and the reception I received was far away from the one I was expecting. I’m not sure I deal with the rejection the best way then, at least I took the best from that tragedy and came back home much more mature than the boy who left Brazil with a pack of dreams in his pocket. In New York I felt free for the first time in my live. Free to go everywhere I wanted, feel everything I wanted and even be whoever I wanted to be, as I was far from home and my reality that no one would be able to judge me. I decided being myself and had fantastic ten days walking around and getting to know people from all over the world at the hostel I was in.

Whenever I go back to NY I get this feeling, of freedom, of releasing from some chains, from my misery, my mortality. I believe I could never live in NY because it represents a lot of things to me, like an idol, I could not deal with my idol by my side all time, idols are made to be kept distant.

I came back from that city few weeks ago, had perfect 11 days, and went to the opera, ballet, Broadway musicals, museums, parks, outlets and theater. I was in love there, with someone here in Brazil, I am always far from love and that keeps me safe somehow. Twice I went to NY and took my boyfriend with me, it was nice, but New York did not recognize me. To feel NY and let it fill me I have to be living a platonic love or just be single. That’s the way it works for me. Don’t ask me how. And I hope soon someone come to brake this spell, NY is much more romantic than Paris in my point of view, and I’d live to try loving in NY, again.


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