Chasing tails

Once upon a time I used to believe that loving someone would rescue me from my misery, that loving someone would somehow make me realize I was an incomplete being and even if it was in vain I should search for ways to be “complete”, “perfect”, loveable. Well, now I realize that love won’t make me reach it as long as I crave for it. I am having the most disturbing dreams last days, evolving people from my past, present and who knows, future! In fact it evolves people from my future ‘coz everyone I know will in a certain way be in my future, at least in memory.The point is: I am in need of love, but am I ready for it?

I feel I am in need for some love, that kind of love that makes the earth move under your feet, the time stop, the bills stop coming. Don’t know how to reach for it, don’t know if I am ready for it, don’t know if someone will ever be able to please me as I’d like to. One thing I know, no one will ever fulfill me the way I think I need to be fulfilled, but I don’t even know what’s really good for me. On the meantime I must keep on trying, at least at this point I am resilient, I won’t give up until I get what’s meant to me!

Just made a pause, I am studying hard today, had a great lunch at my sister-in-law place this afternoon and spent all morning trying to cancel cable tv, without success.

This is the song in my mind today… Sad, isn’t it? But it’s how I feel, begging for love, like a dog chasing its tail. If I catch it, what the hell am I gonna do with it? When it’s time I’ll know!

I’m not talking of a hurried night
A frantic tumble then a shy goodbye
Creeping home before it gets too light
That’s not the reason that I caught your eye
Which has to imply, I’d be good for you
I’d be surprisingly good for you

From Evita

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